Think Happy Thoughts

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

When I saw this picture of myself, I thought of the great and wonderful wisdom of Steven Wright.  I always thought highly of many of the questions Wright asked.  Here is more thought provoking Steven Wright wisdom and questions. Give them some thought.

• Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

• I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.

• If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they still working?

• Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

• I'd kill for a a Nobel Peace Prize.

• Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

• Half of the people you know are below average.

• Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

• Eagle may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

• How can there be self-help 'groups'?

• Experience is something you get just after you need it.

• I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

• Why do we sterilize needles for lethal injections?

• What's another word for Thesaurus?

• If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

• Is it possible to be totally partial?

• When you're in school, and there's a fire alarm you have to line up in a single file line from shortest to tallest.  What is the logic?  Do tall people burn slower?

• If a parsley farmer loses a law suit, do they garnish his wages?

• What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

• Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand?

• Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

• How come abbreviated is such a long word?

• All of those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.

• How do you tell when you are out of invisible ink?

• I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50.
  So I said, 'Give me two boys and a girl.'

• Do they give pilots crash courses in flight school?

• If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

• Why isn't the word, 'phonetically' spelled with an ' f '?

• Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

• Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
  I think I've forgotten this before.

• I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

• Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

• The problem with the gene pools is that there is no lifeguard.

• Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

• So what is the speed of dark?

• If the universe is expanding, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

• What was the best thing before sliced bread?

• Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

• I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen...and replaced by exact duplicates.

• What happens if you get half scared to death twice?

• The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

• 99% of the lawyers give the rest a bad name.

• 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

• Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

• Just think of how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.

• War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.

• I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?  She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

• If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress? (Think about it).

William Shakespeare pointed out in The Tempest that "Thought is Free."

 "There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so."